Betrayal

Betrayal, a form of deception. If this trust is betrayed, at its worst, the individual can suffer psychological betrayal trauma. Betrayal trauma has symptoms similar to post traumatic stress disorder, although the element of amnesia and dissociation is likely to be greater.

SHATTERED, furious, resentful, heartbroken, numb, humiliated, rejected, hurt, and NOT SAFE– these are just some of the feelings we experience when we’ve been betrayed.

Unfortunately, betrayals appear to be on the rise. It helps to know that we are not alone as broken trust is a universal experience. The human need to belong and be part of a relationship makes us open and therefore vulnerable to these painful emotions.

Many people hear the word, "betrayal", and think of infidelity, yet the experience is actually much broader. Yes, the hurt feelings can result from a love betrayal, but the same symptoms can also be triggered by an unfaithful coworker or boss; betrayal in a friendship; disloyalty from a workplace, community, even country; the earth appearing to turn on us; or what is sometimes described as the ultimate betrayal - a loss of trust or faith in our relationship with “something bigger, something spiritual”. Regardless of the source, the emotional distress is often severe.

A friend knowingly breaks a confidence that causes hurt and loss of reputation; this is betrayal. A spouse professes love and loyalty while involved in an emotional affair outside the marriage; this is betrayal. A boss or organization pretends to be honest and fair while manipulating employees to exploit their talents; this is betrayal.

What do these examples of broken trust have in common?

· Personal and/or cultural expectations (understood by the betrayed as “The Truth”) are present.

· Based on these expectations, whole-hearted loyalty is given to another.

· "The Truth" is shattered; often due to someone making choices despite potential, major damage to the relationship.

· Shock and intense hurt feelings inevitably result.

Marriages

A great marriage is not when the"perfect couple" comes together

It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.

A daily dose of four kisses, three cuddles and one "I love you" may help keep a relationship alive, a survey has revealed.

Partners should also have a two-year age gap, share two hobbies and have sex three times a week, the Confetti.co.uk poll found.

Other secrets to a lasting liaison include two romantic meals a month, three nights of the week cuddling on the sofa together, regular contact, two surprise weekends away every year, one annual foreign holiday and two UK breaks, says The Daily Telegraph.

Researchers also found that two separate nights out with friends a month are advised to ensure some independence, and that the longest lasting relationships involve people who met through friends and who married after being together for three-and-a-half years.More than 3,000 married adults took part in the poll, which found that a man should ideally be two years and three months older than his partner.

John M. Gottman, a researcher, said his team found that there basically are three types of stable marriages.

The first is a husband and wife who routinely avoids conflict. When a difference of opinion arises, said Gottman, "they will never argue. They will listen to the other, but will not try to persuade." Such marriages, which he calls the "avoiders," may be unemotional and distant, but they endure.

A second type is a volatile relationship "like two lawyers in a courtroom," said Gottman. "They can argue at the drop of a hat. They are the Bickersons," he said. Such marriages tend to last even though there are frequent and impassioned arguments.

The third type of stable marriage Gottman calls the "validating" couple. They listen to each other, respect the other's opinion and only occasionally argue. "They pick the issues they fight about," he said.

Trouble in marriages comes when the couples are a mix of personalities that do not mesh in resolving conflicts. For instance, a husband who is a volatile arguer married to a wife who is an "avoider", or one who flees from disagreement, may be in marital trouble, he said.